Guide My Emotional Infidelity

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Does it make a difference if you share secrets with a man or a woman? Does emotional infidelity always happen across genders in a heterosexual relationship? If it is with a person of the same sex, is that just deep friendship? You certainly owe your partner emotional loyalty, but I do not know precisely how this is defined. There is no hard and fast rule, and I usually play it on a case-by-case basis.

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And I do not know under what circumstances the rule, if it is a rule, should be broken. The real question is, why would you want to share intimate secrets with friends, of either sex, to someone outside of marriage or partnership? We all need emotional release just as we need physical release. Is using a third party for your emotional release a breach of trust or a reasonable response to a clogged-up emotional outlet? Topics Family Tim Lott's Family column. Gary Neuman's book, Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship , he makes some controversial statements: "Insulate and protect your marriage against emotional infidelity by avoiding friendships with members of the opposite sex.

One of the reasons some people question this suggestion to limit certain friendships is because it can create a sense of isolation for couples. Isolating a spouse from friendships is one of the warning signs of emotional abuse. A spouse does not have exclusive, percent rights over a mate's friendships, interests, and sense of space and privacy. You can affair-proof your marriage by working together to have a relationship based on friendship and trust.


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Here are some suggestions on how to build that foundation and keys to protecting your marriage from an emotional affair. If you think your marriage needs professional help, you can search for a therapist at the National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists or through the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Are You Having An Emotional Affair?

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An Emotional Affair: It Can Happen to You Too (My Story) - Vibrant Christian Living

Here are several warning signs that you may be having an emotional affair:. You are withdrawing from your spouse. You are preoccupied and daydream about your friend more and more. You are not interested in being intimate with your spouse, either emotionally or sexually.

The amount of time you and your spouse spend together is less. When confronted about the apparent emotional affair, you respond, "We're just friends.

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Alone time together is important to you. You are sharing your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your spouse.

You find reasons to give your friend personal gifts. Your friend seems to understand you better than your spouse does. You are keeping your friendship a secret from your spouse. Are you experiencing repetitive hostility and conflict in your marriage? Do you feel an emotional distance from your spouse? Do you find it difficult to talk with your spouse? Are you sharing more with your friend than you are with your spouse?

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Do you think your friend understands you better than your spouse? Are you sexually attracted to your friend? Is the phrase, "We're just friends" your rationalization for your close friendship? Does your spouse know about your friendship or is your friendship a secret? Do you look forward to being with your friend more than being with your spouse?

The Impact and Consequences of an Emotional Affair — Susan Winter

When you talk to your spouse about your day, you never seem to mention your interactions with this friend. Here are some warning signs that your spouse be having an emotional affair:. Your spouse starts withdrawing from you or criticizing you. Your spouse acts secretive or hides their phone, shuts down the computer screen suddenly when you are around.

Your spouse seems interested in certain technology or hobbies seemingly out of the blue. Your spouse seems to always work extra hours on a "project" with this friend. This friend of your spouse gets mentioned a lot. You seem to hear much about this persons opinions and yours seems to count less and less Your gut tells you something is going on.

Emotional infidelity: When is cheating really cheating?

You are normally trusting and do not get jealous easily, but this definitely feels "off" to you. When you try to discuss any of these things with your partner, it is met with defensiveness or you are made to feel crazy. Neuman's other suggestions are more acceptable and include:.